Learning how to attract women is always a huge dating advice request that I get, and one of the things that David DeAngelo addresses very commonly in his newsletters and programs. I really like one of the premises for attraction that David DeAngelo addresses in his Double Your Dating eBook, though – and it is how YOU can develop a personality that is irresistible to women.
In case you have not read the Double Your Dating eBook, this is on page 48. What David DeAngelo discusses is the fact that in his experience, it is FAR better to ATTRACT a woman than to chase one. Wouldn’t you agree? I mean, if the woman is attracted to you, half the battle is won, and you don’t need GI Joe to tell you that.
It’s like selling a car to someone who has already asked about it, rather than cold calling the dude up the street and saying hey, you wanna buy a car?
Ok – so women are attracted to guys for certain reasons – and when these reasons are triggered inside her, it’s on. You can learn to specifically trigger these trip-wires with certain behaviors on YOUR end that attract women, regardless of your looks.
After all, attraction is not a CHOICE; it is a genetically wired thing.
One of the key things that you can do to help fire off these attraction mechanisms, according to David DeAngelo, is to be “Different in a preferential way” (David DeAngelo, Double Your Dating, p 48). I love this phrase.
In order to be different in an attractive and magnetic way, you need to take a look inside yourself, and decide first of all what your best characteristics are. And man, knowing all the characters on Star Wars is NOT an attractive characteristic to a woman. I am talking about humor, wittiness, charm, charisma, strength, intelligence and other positive characteristics.
You might be thinking, well, I really have NONE of those! Ok – first of all that is alright, second, you are not alone and third, you can do something about it. Learn. Study. If you want to be a funny or witty guy, study Cocky Comedy. If you want to be poetic and expressive in an intelligent way – read some poetry, some classic novels, study essays and writings and give it a go yourself! If you want to BE charismatic – study people who ARE charismatic and learn from their demeanor. Learn the confidence, the body language; practice it in the mirror and EVERYWHERE you go. It will soon become second nature.
Learn to be a LEADER. Read books on it! (I will be getting a book list up soon on my website which will have a selection of recommended books from David DeAngelo’s reading list as well as many others to help you on your way.)
On my next post, we will be talking about your two biggest enemies – insecurity and neediness – and what these two insidious attraction killers look like to women, so stay tuned for that!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Dating Advice from David DeAngelo - How To Get Out of the Friend Zone!
A common request for dating advice that David DeAngelo gets is how to move a woman from the friend zone to a lover. The answer to this question, in one simple word, is …. Momentum. Now, this will work – most of the time – but keep in mind that not every woman is the same, and not every situation is the same, but the most common denominator in success with women when moving from a friend to a girlfriend is the continued application of attraction building actions.
David DeAngelo believes, as do I, that if you have a witty, intelligent, attractive woman who thinks you are a good friend, you have to continually use attraction building techniques with her in order to get her to shift gears. You have to get her wired up – you have to push her attraction buttons by using techniques like Cocky Comedy and physical suggestion to get her attuned to you sexually.
In other words, you have to ramp up the sexual tension. It’s very easy to remain in the friend zone – in fact, according to David DeAngelo, the friend zone basically requires zero work. You listen to her, you help you, and you’re all buddy-buddy with her without her ever realizing that you are a real MAN and that you could offer her so much more.
But if you want to move on, you need to do more. Using David DeAngelo’s Cocky Comedy, for one, is a good starter. Cocky Comedy is a great tool whereby you are teasing her, confusing her a little and revving up the attraction by making jokes, being unpredictable, and generally telling her one thing with your words and another with your body language. And it really works.
Here are some concrete examples.
1- Bust on her. David DeAngelo tells his readers to pick on the girl a little bit. Make comments about her shoes or her shirt or her purse. For example, ask her if her she got her purse at the local backpacking convention (if it’s big) or if it is small, if it’s got stuck on high heat in the dryer. Tell her she is wearing the ugliest shoes you have ever seen (but say it with a smile of course so your WORDS are saying one thing, and keeping her off balance, but your body language is telling her that you are joking).
2- Push and pull physically. Pull her in for a hug, and then push her away, telling her to get off you and quit groping you. In other words, confuse her and keep her off balance by giving her some physical affection, but then immediately pushing her away in a joking manner and blaming it on her. David DeAngelo says this is a fantastic attraction builder because women want the physical attention, and then she will get all flustered and confused when you give it quickly and then push it away. When she does not know what to make of you is when she starts feeling that attraction for you.
3- This is a killer technique to use after you have done the above two. Lean in to her like you are going to kiss her, then move your mouth to her ear and pause for a second, not quite touching her ear and not touching her anywhere else. Then whisper to her (something brief and cocky, like what are you looking at, or, excuse me I need the salt) and pull back a little, dragging your mouth from her ear to the corner of her mouth WITHOUT touching her skin, and then pull away. David DeAngelo says this is sure to leave her off balance and wanting more.
Now – keep in mind – these are things to use playfully and in order to build attraction for her. Don’t be mean and don’t use women – that only perpetuates the PUA myths that really screw up great dating advice.
So – once you can tell that you have her attraction amplified and burning brightly for you (if it does not work right at the beginning, keep it up! Rinse and repeat!) then it is time to move in before you lose the attraction and she slips easily back into the friend zone. So – amp up the attraction and then make your move. David DeAngelo reminds you; too, not to talk about your feelings with her before you make your move either, that will kill it.
David DeAngelo believes, as do I, that if you have a witty, intelligent, attractive woman who thinks you are a good friend, you have to continually use attraction building techniques with her in order to get her to shift gears. You have to get her wired up – you have to push her attraction buttons by using techniques like Cocky Comedy and physical suggestion to get her attuned to you sexually.
In other words, you have to ramp up the sexual tension. It’s very easy to remain in the friend zone – in fact, according to David DeAngelo, the friend zone basically requires zero work. You listen to her, you help you, and you’re all buddy-buddy with her without her ever realizing that you are a real MAN and that you could offer her so much more.
But if you want to move on, you need to do more. Using David DeAngelo’s Cocky Comedy, for one, is a good starter. Cocky Comedy is a great tool whereby you are teasing her, confusing her a little and revving up the attraction by making jokes, being unpredictable, and generally telling her one thing with your words and another with your body language. And it really works.
Here are some concrete examples.
1- Bust on her. David DeAngelo tells his readers to pick on the girl a little bit. Make comments about her shoes or her shirt or her purse. For example, ask her if her she got her purse at the local backpacking convention (if it’s big) or if it is small, if it’s got stuck on high heat in the dryer. Tell her she is wearing the ugliest shoes you have ever seen (but say it with a smile of course so your WORDS are saying one thing, and keeping her off balance, but your body language is telling her that you are joking).
2- Push and pull physically. Pull her in for a hug, and then push her away, telling her to get off you and quit groping you. In other words, confuse her and keep her off balance by giving her some physical affection, but then immediately pushing her away in a joking manner and blaming it on her. David DeAngelo says this is a fantastic attraction builder because women want the physical attention, and then she will get all flustered and confused when you give it quickly and then push it away. When she does not know what to make of you is when she starts feeling that attraction for you.
3- This is a killer technique to use after you have done the above two. Lean in to her like you are going to kiss her, then move your mouth to her ear and pause for a second, not quite touching her ear and not touching her anywhere else. Then whisper to her (something brief and cocky, like what are you looking at, or, excuse me I need the salt) and pull back a little, dragging your mouth from her ear to the corner of her mouth WITHOUT touching her skin, and then pull away. David DeAngelo says this is sure to leave her off balance and wanting more.
Now – keep in mind – these are things to use playfully and in order to build attraction for her. Don’t be mean and don’t use women – that only perpetuates the PUA myths that really screw up great dating advice.
So – once you can tell that you have her attraction amplified and burning brightly for you (if it does not work right at the beginning, keep it up! Rinse and repeat!) then it is time to move in before you lose the attraction and she slips easily back into the friend zone. So – amp up the attraction and then make your move. David DeAngelo reminds you; too, not to talk about your feelings with her before you make your move either, that will kill it.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Dating Advice for Guys from David DeAngelo - The First Phone Call
David DeAngelo talks about how important it is to create attraction with women, but one of the most asked questions I get is how to create that attraction with a woman over the phone. Creating attraction with a woman can be difficult for a guy when the interaction is taking place over a non-face-to-face medium (like the phone or instant messenger or something).
So here are some tips that I have gleaned from David DeAngelo about how to create attraction for a woman over the phone, and how to have that especially sticky “first phone conversation”.
The first thing that you need to do, according to David DeAngelo, is to HAVE a PLAN. That’s right – dude – you have got to plan this out (and of course, admit it to no one!). If you don’t have a plan, you will find yourself going, “Uhhhhhh……” and sounding like a total dork, and not getting the date. So PLAN MAN.
One great thing you can do is to have some kind of inside joke with her before you call. So if you meet her in a bar – you are going to be using David Deangelo’s Cocky Comedy (right??) and trying to amp up the attraction using humor – so bust on her about something, and then bring it up right when you call her. So if you call her a klutz or bust on her shoes, have some kind of joke around it to pop off right when you call her. This will establish a connection with her and open her up a bit.
You also should write down some things on your list that you really want to know about her, but try to make the questions unique, David DeAngelo recommends. Ask her things like what kinds of guys she respects or likes, what kinds of movies catch her interest and why, what kinds of music she likes and why – always ask her why! This will give you insight into her personality and give you a few hints about things that make attraction work for her. Maybe she mentions that she LOVES the movie Twilight – and many women do (David Deangelo has not recommended this movie yet, but I do. He mentions Hitch – which is also a great one). Why? The lead character is the Alpha Male Vampire of every woman’s dreams – Edward good bad guy or bad good guy whatever you want to call him is a very BAD BOY – after all – he’s a vampire – who is trying so hard to contain his lust for her and protect her from his own strength and bad qualities. He whisks her away from danger, he always leaves her wanting more, he is there when she least expects it and makes her feel cherished and confused all at the same time. If you have not watched the movie – watch it – guys can learn from this stuff!
Ok, another thing that David DeAngelo recommends is to have your own stories to tell. Now – don’t do this like the typical guy, here. Ok? Listen to what she has to say, don’t fall all over yourself to tell your stories. That is a total turn off for women. David DeAngelo recommends telling stories that are TRUE and show something about your own character, things you want her to know about you without you telling her “I am charming, strong, intelligent, funny, blah blah blah…”. You want her to know, but tell it to her in an interesting and fun way.
David DeAngelo also recommends that you have a date idea ready for her – something fun that you want to do or you know she will like. Or, if you get the feeling that she is a little hesitant, recommend a coffee date or a lunch date where there will be none of that “Do I come in?” tension. A lunch date is also great because, according to David DeAngelo, you can leave her wanting more very easily, using time constraints and things, so she is hungry for more.
So remember, according to David DeAngelo, have a PLAN that includes some Cocky Comedy, real life stories, a date plan and a plan to really listen to what she says in order to create attraction for her and make her want to get to know more about YOU in the end.
So here are some tips that I have gleaned from David DeAngelo about how to create attraction for a woman over the phone, and how to have that especially sticky “first phone conversation”.
The first thing that you need to do, according to David DeAngelo, is to HAVE a PLAN. That’s right – dude – you have got to plan this out (and of course, admit it to no one!). If you don’t have a plan, you will find yourself going, “Uhhhhhh……” and sounding like a total dork, and not getting the date. So PLAN MAN.
One great thing you can do is to have some kind of inside joke with her before you call. So if you meet her in a bar – you are going to be using David Deangelo’s Cocky Comedy (right??) and trying to amp up the attraction using humor – so bust on her about something, and then bring it up right when you call her. So if you call her a klutz or bust on her shoes, have some kind of joke around it to pop off right when you call her. This will establish a connection with her and open her up a bit.
You also should write down some things on your list that you really want to know about her, but try to make the questions unique, David DeAngelo recommends. Ask her things like what kinds of guys she respects or likes, what kinds of movies catch her interest and why, what kinds of music she likes and why – always ask her why! This will give you insight into her personality and give you a few hints about things that make attraction work for her. Maybe she mentions that she LOVES the movie Twilight – and many women do (David Deangelo has not recommended this movie yet, but I do. He mentions Hitch – which is also a great one). Why? The lead character is the Alpha Male Vampire of every woman’s dreams – Edward good bad guy or bad good guy whatever you want to call him is a very BAD BOY – after all – he’s a vampire – who is trying so hard to contain his lust for her and protect her from his own strength and bad qualities. He whisks her away from danger, he always leaves her wanting more, he is there when she least expects it and makes her feel cherished and confused all at the same time. If you have not watched the movie – watch it – guys can learn from this stuff!
Ok, another thing that David DeAngelo recommends is to have your own stories to tell. Now – don’t do this like the typical guy, here. Ok? Listen to what she has to say, don’t fall all over yourself to tell your stories. That is a total turn off for women. David DeAngelo recommends telling stories that are TRUE and show something about your own character, things you want her to know about you without you telling her “I am charming, strong, intelligent, funny, blah blah blah…”. You want her to know, but tell it to her in an interesting and fun way.
David DeAngelo also recommends that you have a date idea ready for her – something fun that you want to do or you know she will like. Or, if you get the feeling that she is a little hesitant, recommend a coffee date or a lunch date where there will be none of that “Do I come in?” tension. A lunch date is also great because, according to David DeAngelo, you can leave her wanting more very easily, using time constraints and things, so she is hungry for more.
So remember, according to David DeAngelo, have a PLAN that includes some Cocky Comedy, real life stories, a date plan and a plan to really listen to what she says in order to create attraction for her and make her want to get to know more about YOU in the end.
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